I’ve always considered myself lucky, if there’s such a thing as luck. I’ve never really thought much about it, except for the small prayer of thanks I mutter on those happy occasions. Just making the cutoff for a grade, being fortunate enough to maintain an 8-point cg with minimal efforts, things generally falling in place after the initial chaos - I’ve never questioned the quirks of fate any of those times. Why would I, you ask, when everything’s just fine and dandy for me. After all, who says ‘Why me?’ in the midst of good fortune? Fair enough. It’s the ‘Why her?’ of bystanders that I’m scared of, that I do not like. Is it my imagination, is it a guilty conscience, a low sense of self-worth, or is there an accusatory undertone to that question? ‘She doesn’t deserve it, why her?’ I can almost hear the unsaid words hanging in the air. I don’t know, I want to tell them, I don’t make these things happen. It’s as unexpected to me as it is to you. And I can’t help but share some of their feeling, that maybe I don’t deserve the good fortune. Hell, it kills the joy of feeling lucky in the first place. In fact, it’s almost worse than being unlucky, this, having ‘ill-deserved’ good luck thrust upon you that makes you feel all guilty and unworthy. Almost.
But when I think about it, I realize there are as many instances of bad luck as good, just ignored or forgotten. I’ve missed grades by just a few marks, too. And I’ve had my fair share of just-missing-the-bus (yes, figurative) episodes; instances that make me wonder if Murphy used me as his subject. But no, they are only seen as either amusing anecdotes, or what I had coming, due to my own faults.
There is method in the madness, even if it is not apparent to us. God doesn’t play dice with the world, after all. So even as the seeming injustice rankles, and you frown disapprovingly as Lady Luck smiles at me, remember, whatever happens, happens for a reason. Today it’s me, tomorrow it could be you. Or the day after. Or - you know.
PS - And any fool who calls a totaling mistake in my paper, luck, deserves a punch in the face. Those are my marks, smart alec, I’d be unlucky not to notice it.