Up and down

8:22 AM - A takes up navigation duty after P’s GPS screws up and ‘We have arrived’ us at random junkyard 

A: Go straight for some time and take the left a little after the next signal. 

P (to M): Ivan yen India-la irukkara maadhiri direction solraan? 

P (placatingly to A): Ey, just enter the destination and ask Google to suggest the route no! Please, just read out whatever it says. Now, which left do I take?

A: The one you just missed. Get the next one at least, get into the left lane, quick! 

P (makes sharp turn and mutters darkly): Thalayezhuthu!

9:05 AM - Arriving at destination deemed by A

P: Are you sure we’re at the right place? Why aren’t there any boards with cool pictures?!

A: (leads the way into alley which opens into a huge hall and an office)

M: (points to framed caption kept in office)

‘JUST BECAUSE NOBODY COMPLAINS…DOESN’T MEAN ALL PARACHUTES ARE PERFECT’

P: (swallows)

9.15 AM - Contemplating the 10-page contract which drills into our heads in 23 different ways the message that jumping out of a plane at 15000 feet might be the last thing we do and Skydive Monterey Bay still have no legal responsibility

P: What if this results in permanent .. (points to head and struggles to find the right scary medical term)

M: Hairfall?

P: $#%^*@. Cerebral damage!!!!

9:45 AM - Handing over forms to Hyper Lady in not-so-nice-up-close pink shirt, ready with $600 in cash

H (smiling brightly): Great, so that’s $210 for the diving, and $89 for the video! Plus taxes! 

P: Oh, no, we don’t need the entire video, we’d just like one still photo each, can’t we get that?

H (nodding vigorously and waves arms expansively): For sure! You can use your own camera and take as many pictures as you like on the ground, no problem at all!

P (flat tone): Do you accept part payment by card?

11:05 AM - Belly butterflies begin settling down. There’s an interview atmosphere with the mostly desi crowd huddling around the notice board everytime they put up the next batch of jumpers. Four lists up with no mention of P, M or A 

P (walking over to H): Hey, they say our turn is only at 3PM. Do you think we can get out and come back at 3?

H: Oh, please do! Go out, do something fun! 

P: Cool, and how much time would it take here once it’s our turn?

H (points thumbs up and down): Ten minutes up, six minutes down! And you guys've come on the perfect day, the weather couldn’t be better! 

(self congratulatory smiles all round)

12:30 PM: Point Lobos. Nip in the air, lovely scenery, just the right amount of  physical exertion.

CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.

CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. 

CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. 

CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. 

CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. 

2.20 PM: Bistro 211. Super pleasant decor, menu looks inviting

M: Ooh look they actually have a whole vegetarian section! Hmm I can’t decide between the quesedilla and the veg omelette!

M (calling waitress): I’ll have the veg omelette. Just to confirm, it doesn’t have eggs right?

Waitress (politely bewildered): Um no, it does have egg, that’s what makes it an omelette.

'Oh. I’ll have the vegetarian quesedilla, thanks' (Exit waitress)

(defensively) 'Hey, back home they just give you some sort of uthappam when you ask for veg omelette, ok?'

3:30-6:00 PM - Up and down

'Damn, I hogged too much. I'm paying a hundred bucks for a ten-minute footage of me throwing up all the way from 15k feet.'

'Ok people, huddle around, I'm going to be your jump master today and here's what you need to know - - Now I know that was a lot to take in and you're probably not going to remember any of it but that's ok. Just keep your eyes open, don't hold your breath, enjoy the view and trust me, you'll be fine. Ready to go?'

'Hey, M? My name's Tyler and I'm going to be your videographer. I'll catch you at the airfield for a quick interview before you're off, ok?'

'Ooh look the first one's jumped! There's another! Man, that is so cool'

'Your interview over? Nice! Why isn't anyone interviewing me I say!'

'Hey, get on that bus, come ON! There's no order, it's all FCFS, just follow my lead, you two!'

'Huh, we're at the hangar again! That bus brought us back!'

'Folks, we're very sorry but the weather doesn't look very promising now. The batch that just went up couldn't see the ground and we cannot jump in such conditions. I know you're all very disappointed but unfortunately, we don't control the weather. You may now take off your harnesses.'

6:15 PM - Back at the office. Lots of disgruntled muttering. The staff are handling each group calmly, with practised responses. Some of them sound bored. P keeps up a steady stream of under-the-breath cursing at the staff

Pissed off Mexican guy (trying hard to be fair): Ok, I get it, it's not your fault, it's not my fault. It's disappointing but it's nobody's fault. I get it. Now I just want my money back. 

Videographer who just sauntered in and overheard: And I want a gold medal. Can't all get what we want, buddy, sorry.

A (amused, on seeing that P shows no sign of relenting against a balaclava-clad staff member): You can be really mean to people whom you don't like no?

P: What do you mean! That idiot is just a stupid monkey... -cap-wearing man!

6:45 PM: Buckling up back in P's car. 

P: Thank god they gave full refund to out-of-state customers! Cha, if only it had worked out, it would've been the highlight of your trip, M!

M: Oh well, at least our hopes went skydiving!