Monday, September 3, 2007

I wonder..

Haven't posted in so long, feel like doing so just to break the spell.

5th sem is abuzz with activity – meetings, lectures, quizzes, new clubs, old clubs with new goings-on,.. it hurts the eye to look at the notice board sometimes.

For me, 5th sem seems to be a time for retrospections, deep thinking, and lots and lots of self-doubt and question marks. Deep eh? U bet.

Pensive is nearly a stand-by mode these days, I think more than I talk, and honestly, that’s new for me, whatever impression I give to the world at large. Whereas earlier I had to fight to keep my eyes open in so many classes, now I perpetually drift off into deep thought during classes, and hence stay wide awake(I’m not sure how much better this is – now I live in constant fear of thinking aloud and blurting out something ridiculous in the middle of a lecture. Also, I fear the expressions on my face are often suspiciously out-of-context for the subject being taught. Hand on forehead, deep breaths for simplex method? No way, not even shalu would buy that).

I wonder if I’m on the right track, career-wise, I wonder if I’m too rude, I wonder if going home just before test1 will be too big a mistake, I wish I’d thought a little more before opting for french and then shifting to german (after a helluva badgering the elusive mr.pradhan), I worry about irregular meals and too much sleep, I wonder how ur still reading this, I wonder if im a spoilt brat, I keep wondering why i couldnt just go yell at the unnamed loser i saw throwing a paper cup on the footpath, I wonder if I really do have a peter accent, I so often long to be able to turn back time, and I constantly remind myself we must never regret our choices, I wonder what my maktub( is that right? Destiny? From Coelho’s Alchemist) is – sounds way profound,huh? I wonder if I should simply go to sleep now, its so bright outside, I wonder how much i should put in here for everyone to see … I wonder, wish, ponder, worry, reflect, muse and marvel at myself and everything around me.. and this is only ever the tip of the iceberg. Although in a different context, Ron’s words are perfect here – ‘One person cant possibly feel all that, they’d explode!’

Weird post, I know.

9 comments:

Gizmo said...

perfect one girl!! even i feel all this sometimes.. at least u for d lecs i dont even try to cuz i dont wanna not listen in a lec..hehe.. maktub(i love this word!) it is!.. only things goin as planned r sotd's n wotd's! :)
dont worry vl try n make the most outta everythin..

kniOledge ( Oink ) said...

I Wonder why. i wonder why.
i wonder why i wonder.
i wonder why i wonder why
i wonder why i wonder

i knew this would fit in
somewhere !
nice post :D
as for the rest, all i can say is, LYT THEESKO !!
Most are in a tizzy as to wat their maktub possibly is...
n i cant resist completing that dialogue, not to worry, its not directed at you :P
just because u have the emotional range of a teaspoon, doesnt mean everyone does

rip van winkle said...

@oink - lol ya, i was quite tempted to copy paste ur feynman quote here.. ultimately it found its way here anyhow :D

P.K.Dharu said...

stop gettin frustrated with urslef re...pichi dash... there is nothin weird in ur post... jus that u r thinkin too mch... u r confusing ppl who read ur posts... they r normal ones like me who cant even think of sch stuff... chala baaga rasavu... think of things that ll help u...enti nuvvu kuda...dash...

Full Of Life said...

Ahh...deep thoughts. Well, i guess the maktub is something that everyone is searching for. Nice post. :) But I'd rather live in the moment coz these are the years... :D :D

Helen of Troy said...

totally...this sem is too busy...but all i wish for this time..is to go home!!

Gizmo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gizmo said...

update ur blog now that uve broadband!! :) ..enjaaay at singara chennai(;) tho chennai isnt in chennai now :P.. stop blushin, i kno u r :P :P :P)..y do they call it singara chennai btw? O.o

rashanality said...

woah!!..dint know so much goes on behind the sweet smile an twinklin eyes!..me thinkin bout postin my introspective notes on bloger aftr readin this.. :)..and just fr the record..german was the ryt choice :)